I’ll finish this later..

The game has just begun, yet the tables have already been turned.

Are you two-faced or two-sided?

Hey there, it’s been awhile I know. But, I found the time to sit down and relax so I thought why not blog real quick...So here I am. I wanted to get into something actually.

Yesterday a friend of mine and I were going back and forth about this concept “two-faced people are different than two-sided people.” Now, he said they were the same, just a different term used to describe the SAME type of person. I on the other hand, begged to differ. I felt that two-faced people and two-sided people are two completely different people. Two-faced people, are people that act one around someone and than are completely different around someone else. While two-sided people, have two different sides to them, whether it be rude, and nice; shy and outgoing. Whether these sides contributes to being two-faced is beside the point, because their still two very different things...at least IMO they are.

We got on this topic by him asking if he was on my “bad side;” and I went on to inform him that I didn’t have a “bad side.” This one discussion with him left me pondering a lot of different things, and helped me to come to a couple realizations.

I do not have multiple sides, I don’t have a “bad side” where if someone pisses me off, that’s what “side” I’ll “use” around them. I’m simply the same person around everyone, (am I contradicting myself?) I don’t feel the need to use “sides.” Which is why I feel that two-faced is different than two-sided. I know people that have certain “sides” but aren’t necessarily two-faced. Hmm...just thought that was interesting, to say the least.

I’ve also realized, that I’m easily annoyed...well I’ve known this, but I’ve just recently had an epiphany, ha. Probably because of the fact that one of my bestfriends can be (here’s that lovely phase again!) TWO-FACED! Don’t get me wrong, I love her to DEATH. However, at times she can be a completely different person with me, than in the blink of an eye I don’t know who she is with her other friends. I wish people could see what I see when the two of us hang out…not the person she tries to mold herself into.

I’ve been “wishing” a lot of things lately, “I wish this would change...”, “I wish I didn’t have this...”, “I wish I didn’t have to see...” I mean I follow all the rules, especially the golden one; *Don’t tell anyone your wish(es)! However, things just don’t seem to be going my way...it’s just one of those weeks...ya know?

 

I’d really love to stay and chat, but my Algebra 2 & Honors English homework are calling my name, isn’t that just lovely?

 

Wishing on stars,

Nik.

Live like you’re dying..

The day I woke up and decided to live; is a day that has yet to come.

The 411: 1/13/10 (1st blog of 2010!)

So, how long has it been? I think my last entry was in November of 2009? It’s now January 2010! It’s been quite awhile since I’ve blogged…sorry. Blogging for me used to be a way for me to just release everything, instead of having to keep everything bottled up. Well, I’ve recently returned to what I now call “Bottling Relapse”. Where instead of just writing about how I’m feeling, I just keep it within me, I find it a lot easier that way? Especially since I’m a lot busier with school and studying and being with friends, I don’t find time for myself…I don’t find time to just sit still and do nothing, because even when I’m doing that, a million and one things are running through my mind that I know I should probably be doing instead of wasting time doing nothing. Even as I’m sitting here, home sick from school, I know I should probably be studying for my Chemistry test, or looking over some stuff for my Spanish essay tomorrow…I don’t just want to relax anymore, or I just can’t enjoy it anymore the way I used to. I’m just overwhelmed with things I need to get accomplished, and just struggling with things in general. I know most people can’t understand this, but it’s just the way I feel about things at this point in my life. I’m a completely different person than what I was last year, and I’m not planning to change my mindset anytime soon…I’m no longer going to waste my time doing nothing, and allowing people to steal what’s rightfully mine.

Anyway, I haven’t been up to anything new. Just school, school, and more school. I’ll be starting training for track again soon; getting back to the grind with lifting and all that good stuff. I’m looking forward to the season, even though I complained a lot during my freshman year of track last year, I really do miss it, and how good it felt to show that I was apart of a team, that’s the one thing I love about being apart of a team, the feeling of support you get from your teammates, and coach during/off the season.

Something else I’m sure you guys will be interesting in…Eric and I are talking again. Yeah, yeah I know…What happened to me moving on to new people and all that jazz? Well I’m just as surprised as you are, trust me. There’s no way in a million years that a couple months ago, I would imagined the two of us in love all over again. I mean, I’m not saying we’re officially together, because we aren’t, but we defiantly aren’t “not together'”. We rekindled our flame over Thanksgiving break, and have been talking non-stop ever since, just catching up and having a good time. I really do like him, and I try and imagine what my life would be like without him and I can’t picture it. I mean even when I wasn’t with him, and he was with my ex-bestfriend, I still missed him, and wanted him in my life. I feel like even after all the crap that we’ve been through we still find our way back to each other, so there’s obviously something there…yet, I’m still confused on whether I want to pursue a relationship with him. I don’t want to settle for the up and down rollercoaster love we’ve become used to. If I could I’d rewind all the way back to the summer where we talked everyday starting at 11 until 5, to where I’d sneak out during the day just to spend time with him. Where I could tell he was smiling on the other end of the phone, or when we’d call each other as soon as we got home from school. Knowing I always had someone in my corner. I miss those days, I miss when we loved each other…I miss when I loved him like that. After our 1st break up, I knew things would never be the same, and it turned out to be right, and after each break up (regardless of who broke up with who each time), I lost a part of me, and a piece of the love that I shared with him. I desperately want to return to those days, because at this point in time, all I really want is to recreate those memories we shared together..

So, really…that’s all that has been going on with me, just trying to get things together, and be consistent. Wish I could stay and chat, but I really should be studying, which has recently become my life, ha. Hopefully, I’ll do better with blogging...cross your fingers and blow out candles for me guys.

Love,

Nik.