D-A-D

Hey everyone. I'm back again, but still not in the best of spirits. Well, I can't say I wasn't in good spirits all day because I was, but now, and I'm talking as of a few minutes ago, I am near tears. Like they could fall any second now, ha ha. Why am I so broken you ask? Because of my WONDERFUL father. Now, most of you don't know about how he treats me, or the way that I look at him. Basically he can be pretty chill sometimes, but a majority of the time he works my last nerve. Sometimes I think I hate him, and other times I'm glad I still have him in my life. But most of the time I can't stand him. And today, we got along pretty well, but than a few minutes ago, he got pissed off, and over the smallest of things of course. Over whether or not he told my sister and I if we could use the wireless mouse to my laptop...? DUMB. And I mean, my sister and I have been using the mouse for awhile now this week, and it's been RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM, and when does he choose to say something about it? RIGHT NOW? And or course he waits for my mom to leave the room, and that he says some smart remark about us having amnesia, and I'm thinking "@#$%^&*!" And I know go and well he didn't say ANYTHING about us not using the mouse, and I most def. wouldn't just sit there and use the thing in front of his face...and I told him that. But that he decides to bring up me downloading "Limewire", when he told us not to, and this happened how long ago, over a couple months! And my mom decided to step in then, but come on. He just wouldn't let it go, it's so stupid. Over a MOUSE?! Over a mouse you want to ruin the good day we had? Ha ha, well if that's how you want it, than fine...I don't care. I'm so ready to just be done with living here. When high school is done, I'm out! They don't believe me, but oh, trust and believe I'm leaving. Though, I would like a better relationship with my father, I know that won't happen, simply because he can't admit his mistakes, I know it's not easy to do; we all struggle with this...but be a man, the big bad man you make yourself out to be, and SAY YOUR FREAKING SORRY. Because whether you see it or not, you're pushing me away with every word that comes out of your mouth. With everything you "don't hear" me say, when I'm trying to have a conversation with you; when I know good and well that it's just your lack of attention, I pray things work out between us father...before it's too late.

Holding back tears,
Nik.