You know what makes me smile? Knowing that I have an amazing guy, willing to hold his horses, and take things slow. Willing to just let nature take it's course and let time decide when it's our time. I'm very thankful for him, I really am. Lord knows, I need more time to move past things than most, but that's why I'm so thankful that he's given me someone that's allowing me to just breathe, and be me. I'm grateful for that...I just wonder if things are going to work out. He lives thousands of miles away, and long distance relationships never work out for me. But hey, you never know, things can change...people can change. I for some reason, still haven't been able to forget what the two closest people did to me, I've forgiven but surly haven't forgotten. I really just want to erase that part of my life, and redraw it the way I wanted things to happen. Thought I can't do that literally, mentally I can do that anyway I so choose. Ha ha, maybe I need help. Than again, even if I did get help, I probably wouldn't be willing to talk about my issues, and people probably just wouldn't understand, or accept it for that matter...
Micheal Jackson died this week, even though I didn't grow up with his music, and listen to all his songs...I will truly miss him. What I do remember of him, were both good and bad things. I however, think he was just a man that people didn't know how to accept. Was he good or bad? Creepy or loving? Though he's gone now, and though we still question the things he said, and did, there is nothing we can do now. He's at peace, and any question that wasn't fully answered or explained was simply, meant to be that way.
I being to slip into a foul mood, maybe I'm just tired, or maybe it's something deeper? Either way, I'll catch you later.
Longing for tomorrow,
Nik.
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